It's a Conferencing Life


I work at conferences. Don’t get this confused with events, which are exciting (to some) and have all sorts of glamorous people in attendance. Conferences are where work gets done by seriously demanding people.

At the time of writing I've just finished doing 32 hours work out of 38 with a promise of another 16 hour day tomorrow, making me feel like someone on a crap version of Deadliest Catch. We did though get off tonight earlier than we expected, so I'm watching the 'The Rocker' in my room, which right now seems to be Citizen Cane 2. I've also had no phone coverage for two days, and only receive messages every time I walk under a certain point in the moon's cycle.

Tiredness does give you a sense of satisfaction though. Tiredness also means you can't spell, or write very well. So I won't be able to put a coherent narrative together here. But these are some of my thoughts for the day...

• Sneaking off for a smoke is an art. In your kit you should always have a piece of paper in your hand and a sense of purpose.

• Going two days without phone coverage is nothing like working at a conference for completely disconnecting you with the world. The best thing to counteract this is a drink. Not for connecting you again, but for not feeling any guilt about it.

• Today I smiled so fakely and for so often I actually forgot how to. When one of the delegates approached me the actual act of smiling completely escaped me so I pursed my lips instead. I didn't recover well either.

• Hotels that fold the ends of the toilet roll are only interested in frustrating their employees.

• Some people get very stressed for very little reason but if they didn't, we who rarely get stressed would wish we had more often.

• The Rocker is too long.

• No matter how many time someone tells you something, if they don't know what they're saying you'll never understand it.

• Americans are genuinely friendly, sincere and generous. Irish people are exceptionally good actors.

• The only thing that’s worse than working late is not knowing you’re going to be working late until you’ve finished said work.

• I don't like the beauty product manufacturer (I don’t want to get fired) that is running this conference. Not for all of the above, but because I washed my hair tonight and 'no more tears' is a crock of shit.

• Don’t forget your toothbrush.

• Sitting in a hotel room, no matter how luxurious it is, reminds you that home is actually rather nice.